Santa Monica Counseling, Therapist in Santa Monica, Los Angeles, and Culver City, CA, California - Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

Trauma and Codependency


You can make significant strides in overcoming codependency by developing new attitudes, skills, and behavior. But deeper recovery may involve healing trauma, usually that began in childhood. Trauma can be emotional, physical, or environmental, and can range from experiencing a …

Posted in abuse, Codependency, Parenting, self-esteem | 3 Replies

6 Keys to Assertive Communication


Communication is so important that it can make or break a relationship and is critical to success in all interpersonal endeavors. It instantly reflects your self-esteem to listeners – for better or for worse. Assertive communication commands respect, projects confidence, and inspires influence. It is respectful, direct, honest, open, non-threatening and non-defensive. It is not demanding, aggressive, or manipulative.

Communication is learned. With practice you can learn to communicate assertively, which will raise your self-esteem and self-assurance and improve your relationships and professional performance. Research has established that even fetuses can learn to communicate with their mothers. To learn the keys to assertiveness discussed below, remember the 6 C’s: Continue reading

Posted in communication, relationships, self-esteem, Uncategorized | 2 Replies

Emotional Abuse: Beneath Your Radar?


There are many more incidents than the three million cases of domestic violence reported each year. Emotional abuse precedes violence, but is rarely discussed. Although both men and women may abuse others, an enormous number of women are subjected to emotional abuse. Unfortunately, many don’t even know it.Emotional abuse may be hard to recognize, because it can be subtle, and abusers will often blame you for their behavior or act like they have no idea why you are upset. Continue reading

Posted in abuse, relationships, women's issues | 37 Replies

Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Partner


Passive-aggressive people act passive, but express aggression covertly. They’re basically obstructionist, and try to block whatever it is you want. Their unconscious anger gets transferred onto you, and you become frustrated and furious. Your fury is theirs, while they may …

Posted in Uncategorized | 37 Replies